if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
