i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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