I think my fart just growled at me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
