So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
