peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
