All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
