That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
