we have officially lost it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
