it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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