i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
