then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So squirting runs in the family.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
