dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
