dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
