I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
