I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
