Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize