got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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