i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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