Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
