quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
