i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize