I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
