All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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