All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
