addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize