if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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