Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
someone owes me an orgasm
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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