no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
