last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
