her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
