I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
