Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
