Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just had sex on a roof
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
