we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
