We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
