Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
