Please, let me fuck your mom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize