ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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