Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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