i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
