Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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