Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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