I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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