a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
