Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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