I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
