I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
