Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Operation Purity has been aborted
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
