We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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