That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
