I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
