did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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