So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize