people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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