i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
