Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
