Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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