How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize