So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
