I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize