i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
