just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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