Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
