Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
