Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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