stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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