i think my mom watched the whole time
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
