Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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