Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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