im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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