so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
