i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
