Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
