I have demons in me.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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