you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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