i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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